The world today is obsessed with narcissism and narcissists. People want to know if they are narcissists, if they are dating a narcissist, if their boss is a narcissist, and even if their dog is a narcissist. However, far fewer people ask about the opposite of narcissism – echoism. To understand this self-effacing trait, it is worth delving into Greek mythology, from where the terms "narcissism" and "echoism" originated.

Greek Mythology and Echoism
Echo was a nymph with a beautiful voice – a voice she used to keep pleasant conversations and distract Hera, the queen of gods, from noticing her husband Zeus's infidelities with Echo's friends, other mountain nymphs. Hera eventually realized Echo's ploy and punished her so that she no longer had control over her tongue. Echo could only speak when asked, and only by repeating the last words of the person who spoke to her. 

The Tragedy of Love
While the punishment was hard on Echo, her real suffering began when she fell in love with Narcissus, a hunter known for his extraordinary beauty. Narcissus's brutal rejection of Echo due to her inability to express her own words caused such grief that she eventually became nothing but a voice. Just as in the myth where Echo helped other nymphs connect with the king of gods, echoists focus on fulfilling the needs of others to avoid thinking about their own needs. They are unable to express their own desires and thoughts out of fear that it might lead to feelings of shame or loss of love. They are empathetic and avoid or even reject attention. 

Characteristics of Echoists
Other characteristics of echoism include the inability to set boundaries, a tendency to take on a lot of responsibility for oneself, and asking very little of others out of fear of burdening them – or that it might be seen as an attempt to attract attention. In the myth, Narcissus and Echo are opposites depicted as intertwined but separate entities. To understand echoism, it is necessary to understand narcissism as the former is perceived as the opposite end of the narcissism spectrum. 

The Attraction of Opposites
Echoists and narcissists can be attracted to each other. While it may seem that the narcissist is the aggressor and the echoist the victim in the relationship, the truth is that both parties fulfill certain needs. The narcissist will monopolize attention without any challenge or threat to their ego. Meanwhile, the echoist will hide in the shadow of the narcissist, satisfying their inclination to reject attention. 

Healthy Narcissism
According to the myth, both Echo and Narcissus tragically die at a young age due to wrong choices and unfulfilled needs. Today, both narcissistic personality disorder (the high end of the narcissism spectrum) and echoism (there is no equivalent disorder for echoism) can contribute to mental health problems, isolation, and loneliness. On the other hand, a healthy – even slightly elevated – level of narcissism, mainly "grandiose narcissism" (an inflated sense of importance and preoccupation with status and power), can contribute to positive outcomes, such as reduced mental illness and better performance under stress. This is because slightly elevated levels of grandiose narcissism are consistently associated with increased resilience to mental disorders. 

Narcissism and Resilience
We have also shown that when under stress to perform a cognitive task, grandiose narcissists had the ability to ignore misleading feedback and focus on the task. But to understand how much narcissism or echoism is necessary before it becomes toxic, we need to change the way we perceive human nature. Instead of thinking of personality traits as something fixed (either you are an echoist or you are not), we should focus on understanding how our behavior and personality change from day to day depending on what is demanded of us within the complex social environment in which we all operate. 

Echoism and Everyday Life
Echoists often go unnoticed in everyday life due to their natural tendency to stay in the shadows. They often sacrifice their own needs to please others, which can lead to feelings of exhaustion and neglect of their own mental health. Echoists also have a tendency to take on the blame for other people's problems, often feeling responsible for situations beyond their control. However, it is important to emphasize that echoism is not necessarily a negative trait. Echoists often possess a high level of empathy and compassion, making them excellent friends and partners. Their ability to listen and support others can have an extremely positive impact on their relationships, provided they manage to find a balance between caring for others and caring for themselves. 

Recognizing and Balancing Echoism
It is crucial to recognize the signs of echoism and work on building healthy boundaries. This includes learning how to say "no" without feeling guilty and recognizing one's own needs as legitimate and important. Counseling or therapy can be useful tools in the process of understanding and balancing these traits. On the other hand, narcissism, when balanced, can be beneficial for self-confidence and achieving goals. A combination of healthy levels of self-esteem (typical of narcissism) and empathy (typical of echoism) can lead to a balanced and fulfilled personality capable of building strong and healthy relationships. Changing the perception of these traits and accepting their complexity can help in better understanding oneself and others. Instead of seeing narcissism and echoism as black-and-white traits, we should view them as parts of the spectrum of human behavior that complement and balance each other.

Original:
Kostas Papageorgiou
Senior Lecturer, Psychology, Queen's University Belfast